Bereavement in Surrey: A Plain English Summary

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Before you start

This summary talks about death, grief and suicide. Some parts may be hard to read.

If you need support, visit the Healthy Surrey website for help and advice. If you are struggling and need to talk, you can call Samaritans free on 116 123, day or night.

In this summary we use the word “die.” Some people prefer to say “passing.” We respect both.

What is this document?

This is a short, simple version of a longer report. The full report is called a Joint Strategic Needs Assessment, or JSNA. A JSNA looks at what people in an area need to stay well. It helps the people who plan and pay for services make good choices.

This JSNA is about bereavement. It looks at what people of all ages need after someone close to them dies, and at the help that is available in Surrey.

Words we use

Bereavement: When someone close to you dies.

Grief: The feelings we have when someone dies.

Complicated grief: When grief stays very strong for a long time. It can stop someone from getting on with daily life.

Hospice: A place that cares for people who are dying, and their families. Many hospices also help people after a death.

Charity: An organisation that helps people. Charities get most of their money from donations.

Talking therapies: NHS services that help with worry (anxiety) and low mood (depression).

How we did this work

We wanted to answer two big questions:

What does “grieving well” mean to people in Surrey?
What helps people get good support when they are grieving?

To find out, we:

looked at facts and numbers about deaths in Surrey
talked to more than 60 people who work in care and support
listened to families and people who have been bereaved
held a group with people from ethnic minority communities
read reports and research

Thank you to everyone who shared their stories with us.

What is grief like?

Everyone grieves in their own way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no set time.

Grief can be harder when:

the death was sudden or unexpected
the death was traumatic
the person who died was a child

Most people get through grief with help from family, friends, and their community. But some people need extra help. About 1 or 2 in every 10 people have complicated grief.

Grief is not an illness. But it can affect people’s health. It can lead to:

worry and low mood
poor sleep
heart problems
drinking more alcohol or using drugs
thoughts of suicide

Some facts about Surrey

In 2024, about 10,600 people in Surrey died.
Research says about 9 people are affected by each death.
This means about 95,000 people in Surrey are bereaved each year.
In the UK, about 1 child in every classroom has had a parent, brother or sister die.
More people will die each year in the future, as more people live to an older age. This means more people will need support.

Babies, children and young people

Between April 2023 and March 2025, 104 babies, children and young people died in Surrey. About 900 people were bereaved by these deaths, including 62 brothers and sisters.

Children grieve too. But children may not show grief with words. Instead, they may:

have tummy aches or other pains
behave differently
not want to go to school
feel it was their fault

Children may need to work through their grief again as they grow up and understand more.

There is help for children and families in Surrey. For example:

Bereavement midwives in hospitals support parents when a baby dies.
Child death nurses support families from the moment a child dies.
Charities and hospices offer counselling, art and play therapy, groups and family breaks.
Schools can get advice from educational psychologists.

But there are also gaps:

There is no NHS mental health support for bereaved children under 5.
There is no NHS-funded bereavement service just for children.
Support for teenagers is hard to get right. Many teenagers do not take up the help on offer.
Some help stops at age 18, even if the young person is still at school.
Schools do not always know what help exists.

Help for adults

Most bereavement help in Surrey comes from charities and hospices. Very little is paid for by the NHS.

Help includes:

helplines and information
one-to-one counselling
group support, like bereavement cafés and walking groups
creative and practical groups, like woodwork
support from faith leaders and chaplains
help with practical things, like money and paperwork

NHS talking therapies can help people with worry or low mood after a death. But they do not offer support for grief itself.

There are gaps for adults too:

Some hospices only support families of people they cared for.
Families of people who die on a hospital ward often cannot get hospice support.
Families after a sudden death are not always offered help.
Some charities have waiting lists.
There is no NHS-funded service for people with complicated grief.

Bereavement by suicide

Each year, about 92 people in Surrey die by suicide. Around 920 people may be deeply affected each year.

People bereaved by suicide are more likely to:

have low mood or worry
find it hard to keep up with work or study
have thoughts of suicide themselves

In the UK, about 2 in 3 people bereaved by suicide get no formal support.

Surrey has a suicide bereavement service. It is free and open to anyone in Surrey, of any age. There is no waiting list. It can help with feelings, practical tasks, and dealing with the police or the coroner.

People who used the service told us how much it helped. One person said:

“Without the suicide bereavement support I would never have been able to cope.”

People also told us what made things harder:

being told about the death in a cold way
not understanding why the police took away belongings
feeling alone and confused during the coroner’s process

Surrey has plans to improve this support, including a new service for children and young people.

Some people find it harder to get help

Not everyone has the same chance of getting good support. For example:

People from ethnic minority communities told us they did not know bereavement support existed. Some only heard about it for the first time at our group. Some faced language barriers, racism or unfair assumptions from staff.
Faith is very important to many people when they grieve. But not all services understand different faiths and cultures.
People who are homeless often say a death was the turning point that led them to lose their home.
Veterans often feel they should cope alone and do not ask for help.
People with a learning disability or autism may show grief through changes in behaviour. This can be missed or misunderstood.
Deaf people do not always get a sign language interpreter when someone dies.
LGBTQ+ people may feel their grief is not recognised by others.
Older people use bereavement support the least, even though they often face the most loss.
Former carers can feel lonely and lose their sense of purpose when caring ends.
People living in poorer areas may lose their home, income or transport after a death. This adds to their worry.

Grief affects everyday life

Grief does not only affect feelings. It can also affect:

money and benefits
housing
work and study
friendships

Some workplaces are kind and give time off. Others only allow a short amount of holiday. Many have no bereavement policy at all.

Citizens Advice helps people with practical things after a death, like wills and registering a death.

What is working well

We found lots of kind and caring support in Surrey. Here are some examples:

Momentum supports families after a child dies. All the families in its survey said their wellbeing got better with support.
Shooting Star Children’s Hospices supports families for more than three years after a child dies, whether or not they knew the hospice before.
Princess Alice Hospice runs groups like The Shed and Walk & Talk, where people can be together without having to talk about grief.
The Brigitte Trust runs free 8-week bereavement courses across Surrey.
Surrey’s suicide bereavement service has no waiting list.

Families told us what helps most:

the same person checking in over time
support that does not stop after a set time
meeting others who understand
quiet time away, like a short break
small kind gestures on hard days, like a card on an anniversary

One family said:

“Being checked on makes it feel like we aren’t alone and are actually part of a community.”

What needs to get better

People do not know what help is out there. Families and even staff often do not know where to find support.

Help depends on where you live and how someone died. Some people get lots of support, while others get none.

It is hard to find your way. Grieving people often have to find help themselves, at a time when they have little energy.

Charities and hospices need steady money. Most bereavement support relies on donations and volunteers. This means it could stop at any time.

Services do not always fit people’s culture or faith.

We do not have good enough information. We do not know how many people need help, or who is missing out.

What we want to happen

Here are the main changes we think Surrey needs.

Make a plan for all of Surrey. Create one bereavement plan that the NHS, councils, charities, schools, faith groups and employers all follow.
Help communities support each other. Make it easier for people to talk about death and grief. Help friends, neighbours and community groups to support people who are grieving.
Make specialist help easier to get. Make sure people with very strong, long-lasting or traumatic grief can get expert help quickly.
Give children and young people better support. Make sure every bereaved child can get the right help, wherever they live, including children under 5 and teenagers.
Include grief in mental health plans. Help people early, so problems do not get worse. But remember that grief is normal, not an illness.
Help workplaces, schools and colleges. Help them understand grief and support people who are bereaved.
Plan for the future. Work out how much support will be needed up to 2040, as more people die each year.
Collect better information. Find out who needs help, who is getting it, and whether it is working.

We also want support to:

be easy to find, with one place to ask for help
let people come back for more help whenever they need it, even years later
be open to people after any kind of death
respect every culture, faith and language
be shaped together with the communities it is for

Tell us what you think

You can send comments or questions to: [email protected]